My Toaster Refuses to Toast Anything but Human Names

I never thought I’d say this out loud, but my toaster is haunted. Or cursed. Or broken in the strangest possible way.

It started last month. I put in a slice of bread, pressed the lever, and went to make coffee. When the bread popped up, I froze.

Across the surface, burnt perfectly into the toast, was the word: “Sarah.”

I don’t know any Sarah.

I thought it was a fluke. A weird burn pattern, a factory defect. But the next morning, the toaster did it again. This time: “Daniel.” Letters charred into the bread like some sinister typewriter.

After a week, I had a pile of toast with names burned into them. “Mark.” “Angela.” “Theo.” “Lydia.” None of them meant anything to me.

Until they did.

One night, scrolling through local news, I saw a headline: “Car Accident Victim Identified as Sarah M.”

The next day, another story: “Daniel R. Found Dead in His Home.”

Every single name from my toast appeared in the obituaries.

I stopped using the toaster. Unplugged it. Shoved it in the cupboard. But two days later, I woke up to the smell of burnt bread. The toaster was on the counter. Plugged in. A fresh slice popped up with a name seared across it: “Evelyn.”

I didn’t know what to do. Call a priest? A repairman? A therapist?

I started saving the toast in plastic bags, dated, like grim evidence. My kitchen looked like a morgue for bread.

Then, last Thursday, it got worse.

The name was mine.

Perfectly blackened into the bread: “David.”

I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I stared at that toast for hours, terrified to throw it away, more terrified to keep it.

On Saturday, I heard the toaster click by itself. I crept into the kitchen, heart hammering. A slice popped up, still steaming.

This one didn’t have a name.

It had an address.

My address.

And beneath it, a time: 3:17 a.m.

I checked the clock. 3:14.

The toaster clicked again. Another slice began to lower into the slot by itself.

And as I reached for it, the lights went out.

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